I had an epiphany today. Oh, I know what you’re thinking: “What the heck’s an epiphany?” WELL, LOOK IT UP! Anyway, I was on I-4 passing through (very slowly of course) our fair city when I glanced at a billboard that said, “HUMAN RIGHTS, NOT GAY RIGHTS.”
“What is this?” I queried. Do we not live in America? Home of the brave, land of the free medical care for illegal immigrants; Give me your tired, huddled masses yearning for McDonald’s. I thought we were the bastion of liberty, the beacon of hope, the break dancing capital of the world.
Did we not invent human rights? Wait a minute, that may have sneaked over the border too.. But who’s keeping track?
You know we can’t deny anyone a job because of their skin color, hair color, ethnic origin, nose piercings, full body tattoos or religious preference. We must give handicapped, oh sorry, handicapable, people access to our places of business (yes, even the slightly rotund) and of course you can’t fire ugly people. That wouldn’t be good for their psyche. And contrary to what you may believe, gay folks do have the same protection under the law as normal folks (and in some cases abnormal folks.) It’s called a “LAW SUIT!”
So you see, we have pretty much have all the bases covered. Or do we? Like a flash from heaven, it suddenly occurred to me that there is one group that hasn’t been heard from yet. We all know one. Some of us know quite a few. They are the stupid people. Yep, they have been left out of the civil rights movement and it’s time we brought them into the fold.
Why should they not be entitled? Why should they suffer the injustices heaped upon them. They can’t help it, they were born that way. Where’s the EEOC when you need it? Is there
not an NAASP? And why not a United Stupids College Fund? Have we no shame, no compassion for an intellect-neutral being? Why should stupidity preclude you from being the CEO of Enron? Cannot a stupid man (or woman to be fair) run WorldCom? After all, if they pick, do they not bleed?
Oh sorry, a Seinfeld moment.
It’s time for stupid people to unite. Where are the great stupid leaders? I know they’re out there. I see them everyday. Just look around, you will too. And if you can’t find one, I’ll volluntear.
